Maykel Farha

My Burnout Experience

I usually don't write about my personal life, but I have felt I should write about my burnout experience for a while. Burnout is a common phenomenon, and we don't talk about it enough; I want to share my story with the hope it might help others.

On January 1st, a couple of years ago, we got the news that my partner's mother was diagnosed with cancer; I remember the moment very clearly it felt like being sucked into a tunnel. My partner decided to travel back home to support his mother during this difficult time.

For me, I was losing my partner for an unknown period of time, surrounded by uncertainty. On the other hand, having lost my mother to cancer, this situation brought up big unresolved emotions.

Instead of dealing with my emotions, I turned to my drug of choice: work.

Looking back, I think this was the root of the problem, a pattern that I have repeated multiple times over the years; since then, I have learned a lot about emotions, their importance on health and balance, and the impact they can have if not processed adequately.

I was on my own, focused all my energy on work, would wake up and go directly to work, and even when I wasn't on my computer, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It helped me escape from reality, which seemed too much to handle at the time.

Work addiction is usually seen as a positive thing and sometimes encouraged by others. I even used to take pride in it, and it did bring many good things in my career, but like any addiction, it comes at a cost, and it can sneak up on you.

I continued this pattern of non-stop work; I finished a project, jumped on another, and so on. This went on for months; looking back, it had even started years before, but this time, the personal circumstances took it to the extreme.

I was secretly hoping for someone to tell me to stop, but at the same time, I couldn't.

Time passed, and it came time for feedback; I had high hopes, in my head as I was going above and beyond. When my manager at the time gave me critical feedback and, looking back, objective feedback, that made sense. Internally, I only heard: “What you were doing is not enough. You need to do more.” I was already way past my limit, completely drained, which drove me to a breaking point.

After this point, I had very dark days; it was hard to get out of bed, and the idea of working made me physically ill. It felt like there was no way out.

Fortunately, my manager was very understanding and supportive during this challenging time, and I will always be grateful to him. I leveraged a mental health benefit from work that was also helpful—and turned to my therapist in Mexico, who luckily had turned digital with the pandemic.

I remember reading The Burnout Society, which gave me a lot of comfort; reading this philosopher trying to make sense of what was happening and seeing it as something bigger than myself helped put it into perspective.

Since then, I have become inquisitive about psychology and why we behave as we do. I am trying to give myself as many tools as possible so as not to end up in a similar situation.

After a few weeks and feeling better, I decided to change teams; this was a healthy decision for me at the time it allowed me to start over in a way, learn something new, and change the pace.

Today, I am in a much better place, clearer, still taking care of myself, listening to my body, and addressing emotions as they come. I see myself being as productive as before but experiencing it differently and setting the necessary boundaries.

I sometimes catch myself returning to old patterns, but now, I can see it and react promptly without it getting out of hand.

Lastly, I want to leave you with a list I wrote around that time. I turn to it every now and then to check-in:

  • Burnout sneaks up on you.
  • Burnout symptoms are easy to ignore.
  • Drugs dumb down burnout -- It can be a behavior. Dopamine Nation is an excellent read on this subject it is also what inspired me to write this article.
  • I get burned out when I stop taking care of myself.
  • Leave time for other things and other people.
  • Be assertive and communicate what you are feeling and needing.
  • Check in with yourself before saying yes to something.
  • Saying no feels bad initially but good in the long run.
  • Don't try to control others.
  • Don't get too comfortable; if you are not learning, leave.
  • Learning is motivational.
  • Change can be freeing.
  • Starting over is not as complicated as it seems.
These are a few books that helped me in the emotions area:

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